I can go a year and never think about happened, but it takes a damn trinket to set me off. I've never felt so alone as i have the last couple of days. I know i have tons of people that are here for me, but you all live in the state of GA, or AL. I have friends here, but..they dont understand the full concept of what the next week means. They don't understand that my birthday isn't meant for drinks and clubbing. Not yet, im not ready for that yet. When i think of Feb. 16, I think how many years it been since my mom died. Not how old I am turning. Noone in TX understands that. I get to these points where I am okay with what happened, I am. It doesn't mean it still hurts ya know? It also hurts that the only person who understand, the person who was literally there as it all happened, is not in distance to see me. The thing I need most is a hug. haha stupid, i can get those, yeah just ask. No that hug that means, i know, and its okay. I really love you and its okay, you're going to be okay. I mean, it means a lot to me when you say it to me, and I know I have to cope. Yet I think for once, I should be aloud to given this one thing, and that is to get the comfort i need. I don't ask for it often. It takes a lot for me to open up, and anyone who truly knows me, knows this. So when i ask for help, and its rare man, really rare, and when i cry, which is really rare to and ALWAYS for legit reasons, ya know i think i should be able to magically pop one of my friends here. I write this here bc i really have noone to talk to right now, and well its XANGA, noone reads this shit anymore. So i feel safe with it here, and if some people do, then ya know good. You know a little bit more about me. I'm okay with what happened, but it hurts still. It naturally should. I just hoped to make it through without a break down this year. I mean really, how do you celebrate life & death on the same day. I guess my point is, i just need a hug.
